Growing Up

I remember believing that adults were grown-up.  The feeling of looking up (way up, in my case) at adults as completed beings…finished with the processes of development, independent of the opinions of others, and very intimidating.  Childhood was tough for me, and I strived hard as a youngster to get to that place.  When I turned 18, I was finally old enough to be considered a legal adult; able to vote and smoke cigars, but still feeling like a kid.  20 was a bit different, leaving the teenage years behind and having a couple of post-high-school years behind me; but I still had a lot of growing-up to do.  Then the biggie, 21, I could legally drink…which I quickly found didn’t make a bit of difference in my maturity level.  A lot happened in my 20’s – I graduated college, got married, started a career – until suddenly I was 30.  Officially over-the-hill right? But I still felt (and often acted) like an insecure novice, and was surrounded by other adults who I came to realize were in the same boat as I was.  Then I had kids…you learn a lot about yourself, your true beliefs and identity, when you raise kids.  Fast-forward through countless scenes to the new season I find myself in.  I’ve reached a new mile-marker at 50 – with a wife of 23+ years, a 20-year old daughter, and (nearly) 18-year old son.  I’ve come to believe that the maturity I had always associated with adulthood as a child was merely a mirage; either of my own making, or of the adults around me who wanted desperately for me to believe that they had it all together. Now as an official old guy, I feel uniquely suited to understand the dynamics of the mirage I once sought.  Actually there’s nothing unique about it, I’ve just joined the club of fellow-journeyers.   

Adults are most-often just as confused, unsure, and afraid as kids…we just have more words, tools, and practice.  I see things more clearly than I ever have, and would say that I am truly coming to understand myself, the world, and my place in it.  For me, the path forward to understanding and peace often goes backward into lessons from my childhood, and always goes upward into the arms of the Heavenly Father who has beckoned and consoled me all along the way.  I’m learning some really powerful lessons right now, and thought I would share.

Recently I woke-up worrying about some things I couldn’t control.  After spending time waking up, I realized I was feeling more & more anxious & exasperated. I turned my attention to the Lord, asking Him to help me, and His Words in Psalm 42 came to me. “Why so downcast my soul, why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God.”  I went to the Biblical source of the words, Psalm 42, which begins….”As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for You, my God.”  As I continued to read, I realized that I had been looking past the blessings of the present and was placing my hopes on desired futures.  This is an elementary lesson in its simplicity, yet taking a lifetime to learn!  If I come into each day filled to overflowing with all I need, without compulsion to gain anything more to be happy, then my purposes and rewards for living are open to God’s designs and pleasure…which always leads to His favor and joy.  This is not a lesson we learn once, it’s daily…sometimes momentary.   Here are some pearls of wisdom that came to me through various people over the next 24-hours…