A long time ago, when I was young & stupid, I had a definite vision of who I was going to be & what I was going to do. Mostly, I wanted to do great things…very specific great things that would make a big difference in the world.
As a young man, I had laser-like focus on the goals I was chasing. I knew exactly what I wanted to do…what GOD wanted me to do…to change the world and make a name for myself. There were people in my life in those years who were like superheroes to me, and I wanted to be just like them. I set out to master the skills & traits of the young men I admired most, working hard to mimic their success. In many ways, this worked well for me for several years; but eventually I began to struggle. We all struggle with lots of things, and some of those struggles define ages of our lives and the lessons we fight to learn for the future. There were several years in my past when, although many aspects of life & ministry were falling into place wonderfully, I wasn’t experiencing the dream I had chased, and was feeling like I was wearing someone else’s shoes.
I’ve gone through “identity crisis” a few times….it’s incredibly painful…but I’ve learned that God can be trusted. I’m still learning to trust that God loves me indelibly and is proud of me even though I can’t change the world or be like those superheroes of my past. I can just be me, and depend on Him that it’s enough. He can be trusted with my reputation and fears. He can be trusted to run my life, to interpret my past and teach me about my future.
Trusting God with one’s identity is a great challenge. There are lots of loud voices vying for attention, but the One who knit me together body & soul still speaks & leads. Today, I’m thankful that God still speaks, even though it’s 30 years later and I’m still stupid. His voice is clear and terrible and beautiful when I remove distractions and sit with Him alone with my Bible in the woods. This is part of what He told me this morning at Cooper Mountain Nature Park while I sat there in the stillness of the bright morning dew…listening.
I hope you can experience this too…He’s there waiting.
